The Top 5 things that celebrities do to dodge a question

I did one yesterday. In fact, I did two – interviews. One was with skateboard legend Tony Hawk, who was a pleasant enough guy, but he made me chuckle when he did something that all celebrities do when they’re asked a question they don’t want to answer or are asked a question that have no answer for. They say:

That’s a really good question.

I’ve just written a book called How To Be A Journalist (which is great, by the way – exactly what you need if you’re thinking of taking this crazy sport up as a career – see www.HowToBeAJournalist.com), and I mention awkward celebrities in there. Having met and interviewed somewhere between 150 and 250 of this strange breed (I honestly can’t remember!), I thought it might be a hoot to look at some of the things they do in the face of awkwardness…

5. They pretend they didn’t hear you.

Seriously, they do. Especially on a phone interview – they’ll say, “Sorry, what was that?” which makes you squirm all the more for having to ask such a bone-headed question again, and buys them time to think of an answer.

4. They laugh.

You’re laughing too, of course, and you’re sharing one big joke, but then… nothing. The laugh was it. That was their answer. Next!

3. Their PR cuts in and says, “I really don’t think this is an appropriate question, Britney does not have to answer that.”

There’s no getting around that one – it’s the celebrity equivalent of the Berlin Wall suddenly erected between them and the writer.

2. They say, “Hmm – let me get back to you.”

It happens in about every 10th interview. Guess what? They’ve never gotten back to me.

1. They walk out.

Never happened to me, but an old friend of mine was once interviewing Blind Melon (remember them?), asked the singer something he didn’t like and the chap just got up and walked out. Makes a really great first paragraph when it comes to write the piece, but the rest of the 2,000-word article was somewhat lacking.

There’s no magic trick to getting around the suddenly-flumoxed celebrity, and if you get too bullish they might simply stand up and go (see #1). So grin and bear it. And move onto the next question. Something like, “So what’s your favourite colour?”

That should do the trick.

Happy writing.

T

5 killer questions for stubborn interviewees

…or ‘how to get blood out of a stone’

ONE OF THE best things about being a journalist is the time your boss asks you to go and meet so and so for an interview. If you’ve seen so and so on TV or in a movie, it can be mildly exciting. If you’ve vaguely heard of him or her, it can still be pleasantly diverting. If you have to go and look them up online to see who the hell they are, it can be less impressive, but still something to mention on the phone to your parents at the weekend.

I have interviewed more than 200 celebrities (well, I think so – I don’t really keep a list), and it took me an embarrassingly long time to realise than an awful lot of them are, well, jerks. And that their job, or so they see it, is to dodge the journalist’s questions. I’ve written a book called How to Be A Journalist (www.HowToBeAJournalist.com) and I mention awkward interviewees in there. My least favourite ever was Chris Rock, but I reckon if I’d had one of my five get-out-of-jail-free, knock-em-dead, guranteed banker questions at hand, I’d have nailed it.

Every budding journo should come up with his own. These are mine…

5/ Who was the last famous person to call your cellphone and why?

Caution: they may well answer, “I dunno, man,” or “I don’t really wanna talk about personal stuff,” at which point you come back with, “OK, so can you work out how many people you’d need to call to get Danny Devito on the line?” If nothing else, it might leave them stumped and looking stupid.

4/ When you go out for a night, are you most likely to wake up covered in bruises, $1,000 down, or missing a key item of clothing?

This always gets a good idea. If you get a “Dunno, man,” again (I’m assuming you’re interviewing?Chris Rock) then hit them with: “Ah, c’mon – everyone’s got a good drinking story!” Or slam the phone down/walk out (not recommended)

3/ You’re in heaven and the assembled masses sit down to watch a DVD of your entire life. Which scene do you ask The Lord to fast-forward though?

“Oh, probably the night I spent with hose three hookers and a big bag of cocaine.” That’s what they’ll say. Promise.

2/ If you became President Of The United States of America, how would you make sure that everyone was happy for one day?

What? They’re not biting? Then follow up with this little baby: “Do you have a special skill for impressing people at parties?” Everyone has one of those. Even Chris Rock.

1/ If you were alone in the desert and came across a stranger, would you kill him, just to see what it felt like?

About 70 per cent of the time, you’ll get an outright no, which is disappointing, but could be followed up with, “When was the last time you were in touch with your dark side?” or the slightly antagonistic “What, do you have a problem with violence?”. If they say “yes”, then stay silent and see what they say next…

Happy writing

T

The worst interviews in history

SO I WAS thinking about my own career, and how I’d made a complete hash of interviewing several celebrities (all will be revealed at a later post), when I found myself wondering who’d made a worse job of interviewing famous folk than me. After all, it isn’t that hard, is it? You have a list of questions, you have a willing celebrity – and then you just sort of start talking. And it all picks up from there, right?

Not always.

I love interviewing famous people. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get a kick out of meeting them too. I once saved Mariah Carey‘s dog from her swimming pool. That was nice. And I had a phone call from Shania Twain when I was having dinner. But I also got shouted at by Alan Sugar, the ‘guru’ on The Apprentice. That sucked.

I recently wrote a book (www.howtobeajournalist.com), in which I explained how anyone new to journalism could get into the game, and I touched on interviewing awkward celebrities in there. I reasoned that every good journalist should have a secret arsenal of 10 kick-ass questions, the kind of only-to-be-used-in-an-emegency back-up beauties that will turn even the most moribund of interviews on its head. Still. Not sure that would have worked here…

5. MEG RYAN MEETS MICHAEL PARKINSON

Parkie is a British institution. Meg Ryan is having a bad day…

 

4. MERRY MILLER MEETS HOLLY HUNTER

Everyone’s seen this, but it’s worth another look. The kind of bad day at the office that is almost impossible to beat, unless you’re a trauma surgeon…

 

3. JOHN CUSACK MEETS THE NEWBIE

Rapport is everything when you have 5 minutes with an A-lister. This is how not to build it…

 

2. 30 ROCK’S TRACY MORGAN MEETS SOME REGIONAL TV DUDE

Sometimes, you just don’t really have a glue about the dude you’re interviewing at all.

 

1. CLIVE ANDERSON Vs THE BEE GEES

A while back, stuffy, cheeky Brit Clive Anderson had a chat show. It was strange. And sometimes, just painful…

 

More soon…